I felt like I could have done that for hours. Then he held my ankles as he fucked me with his seven and a half inch cock, and then pulled out to come in my mouth. Then he had me suck his cock until he was hard again, then fucked me once more with my legs over his shoulders, still pulling out at the last second in order to flood my mouth with warm cum.On the way home, I realized that I didn’t actually regret having had these experiences, but I thought I didn’t need to do it anymore. What more was there to do, to experience, to learn? What would be the point? This lasted for some weeks.Sometime afterward, I began scanning ads again. It was like a d**g. I wanted to stop, but couldn’t. I found someone on Craigslist who wanted a CD. I was curious, and interested in the sex, and I wondered what I would look like, so I decided to buy some items, a black wig, sexy sleepwear, black stockings, red garter belt, black patent leather pumps, even some make up. I found it surprisingly easy to put. But I think it’s gotta feel right. I’ve got enough guilt. I leave Blue Dog’s feeling a bit empty again, like I did that night when I left Suzanne’s. There’s a loneliness inside me that is eating away at me. Sometimes I wonder why I keep going on when it’s clear that my real life ended a few years ago. Then I decide that life is too interesting to just cut and run without a really good reason, and I don’t believe that there’s anything other than this life we have. Still, I think about suicide every day. It’s an impulse I constantly fight. I suppose eventually it will get the best of me. I walk home. It’s not long. I live about half a mile from Blue Dog’s, so it only takes me about twenty minutes go walk home, unless I’m particularly drunk. Tonight I’m not even close, so I’m setting a good pace. I look around me. Nothing but cornfields and some scattered houses and businesses, and beyond that, the hills. Still, I like it here. It’s quiet, and though it’s only a county away from where I.
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