I could feel the heat rise in my face, 'Oh, I think you know that already', she boomed out, and we both laughed a typical girls laugh, so she liked to watch the boys shower too.Then without warning she grabbed my hand and took me into another out building, and as we went through the door, I could see there were beds, it looked like a dormitory.Like my room it was darkish, but as my eyes became accustomed, saw the same boys who had been showering below my window, they were still nude and lying fully exposed.'Mariel, meet my brother', and the young man got off the bed and stood up, his penis near erect. On seeing it she said something in their own tongue, and all of them laughed, and then turned to me and said, 'You must excuse them, down here they learn not to be ashamed', then she winked to me and added, 'I am glad of that, are you?'I just nodded, I was. She then gestured for all of them to get up and introduce themselves to me, and as they stood in line, she went down it as if. I felt the tears spring to my eyes as I pulled away from him. Im sorry, nobody has ever touched any of my scars, I just cant… My voice faded as I dissolved into tears, and Connor cradled me against him as I wept. Eventually my tears faded and I stood up once more. Im sorry, Im sure you never expected high drama when you came out tonight. Thankyou for kissing me, thankyou for listening, thankyou for caring. I cant possibly make more of a fool of myself, so Im going home now, but Ill never forget tonight Connor. I felt my shoulders slump as I turned to go and I trudged back to the flat dejectedly. I wasnt sure which was worse, to be alone and not know what I was missing or to have had a taste of human contact and then screw it up with my own inadequacies. The tears fell as I walked, and I berated myself over and over for telling him Id never been kissed. 40 years old and never kissed, I had to tell him what a freak I was, couldnt have just gone along with it. And then crying all over.
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