I don’t like it, but at least Julie’s his age.”Jake caught the thought going through Kara’s mind.Stop. Whatever you do, don’t say that.Say that I think he’s sweet on me? Why not?Because it’s true. It would mortify him if you put it out there for everybody to see.But I don’t mind if he thinks of me like that.You’ve been an object of secret desire to him for years. I mean, how could he help it? You’re beautiful. But it would shame him to admit it.But Mom was saying that what you do with your mother is okay.If she explained it all to you then you can see how unusual our circumstances are. Brian is fantasizing about plain-vanilla incest. His only justification is that you are so desirable. He could never admit to that, at least not in this atmosphere. And especially not in front of his mother.Brian’s starting to look at you and Kara funny, Julie sent.“Brian, maybe it’s not anything sinister. Do you know why I think those things happened?”“Why do they happen?”“Because I understand. As faras I knew she doesn't know anything.I don't know if it was my raging hormones, or the terrific weight of myfantasies, but two weeks was about all I could take. I was scared for awhile, but it couldn't last. Every moment of still thought gets filledwith fantasies. When I read a book I can only get a few pages in beforemy mind wanders to slutty outfits, sex and boy's dicks. When the urge comes, it's strong. This must be what it feels like to beaddicted to cigarettes or drugs. My conscience says "no", but everyother fiber in my body is filled with adrenaline and desire. Fear can be good. It stopped me many times from going too far. Butlittle by little I'd push new boundaries. My desire drives me to tryjust a little more. The devil in my mind pushed me to try something new,something a little more daring. What started with posing in the mirrorand beating off after working out, turned into wearing my sisterstights, to dressing up in full slutty attire - makeup and all, tolicking.
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