He inducted me into the secret woodcraft society (Shadow Patrol), a boys-only group until I joined. The next season, I realized with a shock I had waited all year for his hug on the last day of camp. The following year, we started watching the Perseids together on the last night, camped out by the fire ring with Dan and George and Steve, others of the Shadow Patrol if around. It became a yearly ritual. We lay, laughing and telling stories and dreams, on whatever we had on hand- carpet remnants or tarps or blankets or garbage bags. It didn’t matter. The year I turned 16 at camp, he kissed me the first time. I was both terrified and elated. The year I was 17, he tried to tell me he was in love with me, and wanted me to be more than a camp girlfriend, and I was unable to respond. I had just recovered from being raped, and couldn’t give my trust at that time to any man, even him. He held me, and the crushing pain inside me went away momentarily, for just that night. In that. ”“Well at least tell me one thing,” the newly commissioned Ensign asked, “did you do any better?”Saavik paused for a moment, her thoughts drifting from their walk alongside San Francisco Bay back to her own encounter with the Kobayashi Maru. Even now, she still remembered making all the right logical decisions, yet still failing to rescue the trapped fuel carrier or to save her ship.Standing amid the wreckage of her test command, she had protested to then Admiral Kirk that it had been an unfair test. After all, she had reasoned, there had been no way to win. He had responded that a no-win scenario was a possibility that every Commander might face and asked if that had ever occurred to her?When, in her youthful arrogance, she had said that it certainly had not. The veteran Starship Commander had simply smiled that famous grin of his and said that now she had something new to think about. And think about it she had, about that and so many other things in her life.As a young child, she.
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