RING“Hello, this is Richard O’Hara?”“Hey Rich, this is Stan.”“Hey, Stan ... you moved in yet?”“Yeah, actually ... but that’s not what I’m calling about. I got offers on three separate listings down in Mountain View. When are you and that wonderful wife of yours going to grace us with your presence?”“Set them all up for whatever day you want, I’ll be there to sign them,” I said.“Sheila will send you the particulars, Rich. How are you guys doing over in Stockton?”“You actually sound like you miss us, Stan.”“I do, a little ... uhm, I got something to tell you, now ... now don’t freak out, OK?” I heard his voice crackling a little.“What is it, Stan?”“Mary and I are getting a divorce.”“My gosh, Stan ... what’s all that about?”“She caught me with ... someone, recently.”“Stan, you stupid son of a bitch, who is she ... some college coed, some D-cup dodo, as Caroline would say?”“Richard, I can’t – I can’t believe I did something as stupid as that, but I did, and Mary won’t believe it was the. .. do it ... with her?" I don't think she'd be happy if I answered that," I said."What was it like?" he asked, looking back at the computer screen."Unbelievable," I sighed.He looked over at me and then walked away."Remember how we used to sit around and dream of what it would be like?" It was nothing like that," I said."How could it be nothing like it?" he asked."It was better." What do you mean?" he asked."I can't explain it." I saw him frown. "I'm not trying to dodge the question. I really can't explain it. I mean I can't put it into words." Try," he pleaded.I thought about it, and the only thing I could come up with was something we'd talked about before."You know how when you wake up with a boner, it feels good to press it into the bed, and maybe move it around a little?"He nodded."It's like the difference between doing that ... and jacking off."He blinked about three times."Wow," he said."Yeah," I said back."I gotta get me a girlfriend," he sighed."You really do," I said.And that.
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