The cackling quickly broke-down into a coughing fit which had her reaching for the phlegm glass. Something that looked like a pickled walnut was launched into the murky depths and only slowly made its way back to the surface. “Oh, that’s much better,” Granny said cheerily, punching herself in the sternum a dozen times. Granny patted herself down absently. “Where’s that bleedin’ pipe gone?” The pipe was forgotten as she found the remote control wedged somewhere uncomfortable. “Virgin? My arse.” Granny broke down into another fit of laughter as she flicked through the channels and found something loud which she turned up even more. There were some things an old woman didn’t want to hear: the howls of a disappointed demon being among the top three. In case you’re wondering - Granny discovered the location of the pipe after a repeat of A Question of Sport was coming to an end when smoke started billowing out of her cleavage. Meanwhile, upstairs… Alice had dutifully taken Stan to her. I’ve fantasized about keeping a spreadsheet that tracks her panty collection and which ones she wears on which days—Monday’s tend to be ordinary—Friday’s are always special except when she’s having her period. I guess I could keep track of her cycle in my spreadsheet too. It was the end of our fiscal year, and a crew of auditors came in to check our books. There were five of them—two older guys, a guy in his forties, and two younger guys. The five of them, our CFO, and Tina had a get acquainted meeting. I could see them through the glass of our conference room as I walked by to go to the ladies room, and the new guys checked me out, though with Tina there I don’t know why they bothered. After the meeting the bigwigs left, leaving the middle-aged guy, the two younger guys, and Tina to do all the work. Audits are a pain in the ass. The job of the auditors is to poke into everything (preferably Tina, they must have thinking) and find mistakes, and they can ask for pretty much any.
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