I was so excited! I walked downstairs to say goodbye to my parents as I heard Jay honking his horn in the driveway. “Goodbye, see you guys in a few days!" “Here’s some money for you. Please take care of yourself. Don’t do anything that would worry your father and me.” I kissed my mother and my father and ran out of the house. Jay was driving the car and there were a few of his friends and my friend Flower in the car. I ran to the car and threw my stuff in the back of his car. “This is going to be such a gas!” “We’ll have a ball,” Flower said. “Chloe, this is Ethan, Fern, and you know my brother, Jay. This is Chloe everybody.” Jay was driving a station wagon and I sat in the back with Flower and the rest of the people. He had those cheesy dice that hung from the mirror. We lived in New York state, so we only had about an hour to travel to Sullivan County where the festival would be. While we were driving, Ethan rolled some grass and we all toked on it a while. It was some. I don’t want her to think that this is her fault. This world has a lot less shame associated with rape, but ephemerals are just as vulnerable to feelings of inadequacy as anyone else. I won’t do more than I can handle, but I want to find a way to help Gloria. I can at least explore what she wants.“Gloria,” I say, “I can show you that I see you as desirable. But you’re the one who needs to feel beautiful not dirty. Would me cleaning you up like that let you do that?”“I want it to,” she says. “I’m hoping you can show me that sex doesn’t have to be dirty. But I don’t know if it will work.“It’s okay if it doesn’t, right? We can try, and if I have to stop, it’ll be okay, right?”“Oh honey, yes. You can stop any time.” I hesitate. “It might be me stopping though. I’ve never done it like this. Before, the other person ... well, they think differently about being dirty.”She looks down. “Oh, no! I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to—”I lift her chin. “No, we’re in this together. We’re going to see.
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