“It’s farther down,” I heard her whisper. It was not, that would have been impossible. I could have easily reached in and retrieved the roast, the reservoir was that shallow. Instead, I acted my part. I buried my head and shoulders inside the cavity. My head made contact with the frozen package and my feet left the floor, but only slightly. I rolled the package, trying to duplicate the sound that I had described. “That’s it,” she said. I wondered how she could tell. Perhaps it was because there was only one package of frozen meat in the washing machine. I pretended to extend my arms in an effort to reach the bottom. In reality, it was so cramped inside the washer that I could not move down enough to shift my weight over the side. Unlike my excursion inside the freezer, I had to raise my legs or to make them leave the floor. Satisfied that I could not stuff more of my body inside I grabbed the bundle in one hand and pushed with the other. I raised my legs high to gain leverage then. Sarah has never really accepted her mother's death. How can you expecta four year old to grasp the concept of death when they are just beginningto realize all the wonders of life? She still has that wide eyed innocencethat would accept things told to her without question, even from a six footpurple dinosaur. When we were there at the hospital for the last time, Itold her that her that her mother was going to sleep for awhile and thatsoon she was going to be playing with the angels. I didn't know what elseto say to her, so I just improvised with bits of dialogue borrowed from anold movie of the week. Sarah took this all to heart and rushed to hermother's bedside, grabbing hold of her hand. "Daddy says that you are going to play with the angels. Why can't youstay here and play with me? I love you mommy. " she then started to cry."I hope the angels like to play Candyland. Then you can beat them like youbeat me. Why do you have to go? Don't go mommy, please. You always.
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