Ken had that feeling as well, but considered it a possibility, rather than the certainty that Annette thought it was. Of course, she knew him much better, so perhaps she was right in her certainty."During our next ritual, you'll be formally dedicated. Where we go from there will be up to you." What do you mean?" she asked."Once you're dedicated, you'll have access to certain things -- like the money that's set aside for the Circle. You'll be able to move in here, if you'd like, not that you have to wait to dedicate for that." He paused for a second. "One of the things that Lea wants is craftsmen -- the best we can get. The jewelry that you make certainly qualifies. Perhaps we can find other outlets for your stuff other than Gary's shop. Or not. The choice is yours." Oh," said Annette. Clearly these were things she hadn't thought of. That was no surprise since it was only recently that Ken, realizing that he had to have some sort of organization in the household, had started thinking. As I layin bed each night, I found it difficult to go to sleep. There wassomething about Tom. The feel of him in my arms stayed with me. When Ihugged him, my cheek always brushed against his own young smooth cheek. Ioften lay there pounding my pillow, hating the thoughts I had. I was surethat only queers would have this kind of feeling. But I wanted more thananything to touch his cheek again and feel his body in my arms. But Ihated myself for these evil thoughts---these unGodly, dirty thoughts.We had Mike and Tom at our home several times on weekends. I did my bestalways to be friendly, but I tried to avoid looking at him. Whenever I didlook at him, I could see him looking at me. Sometimes I imagined that thelooks he had on his face were looks of desire. But I was sure that thoselooks were looks of disdain. He knew. I was sure he knew of the dirtythoughts I had in my mind. Oh, how humiliated I felt. Mike's own fatherhaving queer dirty thoughts about his roommate. One.
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