My fantasies always involved my mother reciprocating my passion.Instead she was filled with disgust. I tried half-heartedly to explainbut she wasn’t listening, getting more and more furious until I fled,confused, back to my bedroom. I lay awake almost all night, berating myself in my shame andguilt. My dreams of sexual intimacy with my mother were in ashes.Worse, I was scared stiff she would be f****d to report me to someofficial agency. For the first time since my father died I criedmyself to sleep. Next morning, I descended to the kitchen with dread. Mom wasalready up and from the redness around her eyes she apparently hadn’tslept much either. I was too ashamed to speak, and the cold, tight-lipped look she shot at me made me feel like a worm. Breakfast wasspent in silence, as I avoided her eyes and stared into my cereals.Eventually my mother broke the silence. “Jim, what were you thinking oflast night? You must know that that sort of thing is. It wasn’t the best relationship on which to build a future. I continued to work at the mill while trying to figure out where I was going from here. I got a call from my uncle in Detroit. He told me that if I wanted to move there he had a good job offer for me. He was my mom’s brother. He of course went to college and moved to Michigan and got this really great position at Ford Motor Co. He was the main man in human resources. He did the hiring and tried to help family out whenever he could. One of my brothers got in up there and made a nice life for himself and his family. I guess mom had told him that I wasn’t happy in the mill and that I broke it off with my girlfriend. I decided to take him up on his offer. I wanted a new beginning. I saw Amy the week before I moved. We went out and got a bite to eat, and then went to her apartment. I can’t say it was love but we sure did have sex. It was much better with both of us being sober. I mentioned to her that it was too bad that we.
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