But if it happens to be in front of me, of course I'm going to look. But on this fateful day, I happened to be on an elliptical behind the wrong booty (or, I suppose, the right one, depending on your penchant for being objectified by objects).I watch her in her black leggings, stepping onto the treadmill and starting it up with a brisk walk. Halfway through my workout, I'm happy to catch a couple of glances at a round butt, wiggling back and forth with every stride. What I don't know is that this is the very offense that seals my fate... I've got headphones in, of course, so I don't hear the screams from the women's locker room. Before long, though, people are filing past me, some faster than others. When I see a few people point, and even more now looking behind me and either dropping their jaws or running away, of course I turn around. When I see them, I hit the stop button on my machine immediately, getting off the elliptical as quickly as possible. Empty outfits are pouring from. A multitude of tits and finches are lining up to take up theirpositions on the bird table. In the distance we hear the call of thehorn, the hunt is in our area, we both stand up, move to the door andstep out into the first real sunshine we have seen in many a week.Suddenly, below us, a slim shape trots out from the hedge, look back,then trots towards us, almost without seeming to hurry. Behind him wehear the call of the hounds as they latch onto his scent. Charlie, thefox, is being hunted and there he is below us. Paula slips her hand intomine and presses closer to me. Will he or won't he, we both think, getaway, be given best. I look at her and smile, nodding. This is a healthyand prime specimen, he will make it to the deep drain at the bottom ofour garden. Once there he will be safe. But no. A gaggle of camouflagedfigures burst through the hedge at the bottom of our garden, tramplingover the newly dug vegetable patch, screaming and shouting as theyrampage over the freshly turned.
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