Nonetheless, we were at Joan’s house with her mother conveniently absent as we ate pizza and chips and my girlfriends sang ‘Happy Birthday’ to me.Every time someone looked at Livy for more than a second, she blushed.“I think there is no denying what Jacob got for a birthday present,” Beca said. “It’s so nice of you to have sacrificed your virtue to make his birthday happy, Livy.”“I didn’t even get a chance to sacrifice my virtue,” Livy said. “It was taken from me by two evil geniuses who used me to sate their lust. They seemed to get some dark pleasure out of seeing how many times they could make me come.”“Poor girl,” Joan said. “Jacob, can you see how many times you can make me come? I want to give you a birthday booty, too.”“Isn’t it my turn yet?” Desi asked.“It’s coming soon, love,” Beca responded. “We just need to find a place where we can all observe the deflowering so you can collect your two weeks of sexual slavery from Jacob.”“Um ... About that,” I said. “We might have to. ‘This is no place for a member of my congregation. Why don’t you let me take you home?’‘Sure, ‘ she said with a slur, obviously very drunk.When Mrs Fitzgerald stood up from the bar, she began to weave back and forth. The Reverend realized that she’d had far too much to drink and grabbed her arms to steady her. When he did, they both lost their balance and tumbled to the floor.After rolling around for a few moments, the Reverend wound up on top of Mrs. Fitzgerald, her skirt hiked up to her waist.The pub landlord looked over and said, ‘Oi Mate, we won’t have any of that carrying on in this pub.’The Reverend looked up at the landlord and said, ‘But you don’t understand, I’m Pastor Flapps.’The landlord nodded and said, ‘Oh well, if you’re that far in, you might as well finish.’This one is compliments of J & BSEX and GRAMMAROn his 70th birthday, a man was given a gift certificate from his wife. The certificate was for consultation with an Indian medicine man living on a nearby reservation.
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