“What's up, Jerome? You don't look too happy.”“I'm okay.”“Mhmm, clearly. You know you can still talk to me. You'll never be too old to confide in your Mum.”He smiled and shook his head as though I had told some kind of joke, but he opened up anyway.“Oh, I guess I'm just bummed that Dad isn't going to be here to help. I'm leaving for college and it's a pretty big deal for me. I just wish he could have been here for it.”In that moment I was pissed at Geoff for putting his wants ahead of Jerome's needs but that wasn't going to change anything and the last thing I was going to do was put his father down in front of him.“I know it's crap timing but it really couldn't be helped. I will be here for you and Uncle Ben will be here soon too.”“I know Mum. I guess I'm just nervous.”“Yeah I can understand that but you know what? The best things in life are the scariest to do.”“I guess so.”“Yes, it will be a little weird until you start making some friends but then you'll be so involved in. .......What a fucked up life this is I thought.I had taken my laptop to the states and on it I had photographs of Amanda and I in happier times, some nights my heart would feel heavy at the loss, but I never let it show in my few emails to Amanda, I had been in the states about 5 months when I received a email from Susan saying how worried she was about Amanda it seemed she had lost a lot of weight and was in trouble keeping on top of her job so much so that she had been forced to take some leave to sort herself out. Susan begged me to be kinder to Amanda and ended her email by adding that she really believed that Amanda thought what she was doing was for both our benefits and begged me to call Amanda for a chat if I still cared about her to help her through her depression.That evening I sat down and composed a long email in which I explained all my feelings, the betrayal, the sickness in my stomach and how I hated her and myself for letting it happen, I reminded her how I had.
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