" she said doubtfully. "Well, what's the rush?" I said. Mom sighed. I had gone over to her apartment and we were sitting having coffee that morning. "That's just it," she replied. "He's the one who seems to be in a rush." "Just tell him that you want to think about it," I said, logically. "That's the thing," she confessed. "I Have told him that. That's what I've been telling him for the last six months, that I don't want to rush into anything." "And he's giving you a hard time about it? She frowned. "He's understanding enough..." she sighed. "But he keeps bringing it up, and I keep putting him off." "Are you afraid that you're going to lose him?" I questioned. She sighed again, and took a sip of coffee. "It's not that. Not really. It's just that...I have too many doubts. About him...about myself." "What sort of doubts?" I asked. "Oh...if he's just looking for a wife. Someone just to fill in...to do things for him." I could see what she meant. "And I have doubts about myself," she. I know what my job is. I volunteered to be trained as a long range patrol commando and accept everything that I am ordered to do, but fucking hump over two mountains and through two valleys to gather intelligence is patently ridiculous. Thirty-eight fucking days to get what? I wish I could tell you but then I would have to kill you (just kidding, sweetie, you know I could and would never do anything to hurt you) and they would kill me. As I explained to you before I left for this God forsaken country, when I go into the field I have no documents, pictures, or letters on me so in the event I get killed or captured the only information the enemy will have is my dog tags. In my minds eye, I keep my favorite picture of you sweetheart. I can see you just like you were standing opposite me and we are looking into each other eyes. It helps me to do my job, because you are the reason I live, the reason I take care of my buddies, and the reason I do what I do for a living. Every night before.
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