But shooting a twelve-year-old girl because she might be wearing a vest and wouldn’t stop walking toward me killed part of my soul when I took her life. She wasn’t wearing a vest, as it turned out.So I overcorrected and decided to become the opposite of a patriotic assassin.That’s not fair. Most of the time they were shooting at us, too, or would have if they’d known we were there.Anyway, St [redacted] took me in and tried to teach me how to calm my soul. I was already patient. I once lay in a hide for three days, waiting for a particular bomb maker to arrive at a building we knew he used. So the sitting and thinking part was already there.The problem was that all I could think about were the people, including kids, who were the inevitable side effect of combat operations. I grieved for them all, but the ones who I caused were the ones who haunted me. I couldn’t get away from the torment of guilt, no matter what Mother Superior Mary tried to do to teach me.I went through a whole year. The thirty days were hell and then we came together. Charlie didn't really expect me there."I came but it was no better. I wanted him to crawl to me. Here was this gorgeous man who seemed to have no need for me. I realized that he wasn't going to walk to me much less crawl. I ran from the house. I stood outside crying and he came to me and gently took me in his arms. What he said then froze my blood and finally brought me completely to my senses."He comforted me like you would a child, not like a lover. He said he understood that I thought I was right. He said that I should return inside for my parents and leave! I told him there was no future for me without him. We whispered some more and I again offered myself to him in any capacity he would have me. This time, I meant from the bottom of my heart through the top of my head. He told me that, if I wanted to stay, I would be punished physically. I told him I was his on any basis. After a bit more discussion, he took my hand and we.
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