Call spouse from garden.Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.Check label to make sure pill is not harmful to humans, drink glass of water to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open. She heard him set something fairly heavy down, it crackled lightly. Then she felt him sit down beside her. ‘Before you open your eyes, I want to explain what’s here. Sammi, I know how I feel about you, and how I feel about us. And this… this is just my way of saying to you that… that what’s mine is yours. Okay, you can look now. Merry Christmas!’ In front of her was a big wicker basket, overflowing with plastic bottles. She looked with curiosity at Archie, then dove in. There was her brand of shampoo, conditioner. Body lotions and perfumes of a dozen scents, some of which she’d been dying to try. Nail polishes, polish remover, cotton balls. It was like he’d raided her bathroom counter. ‘Archie! Oh my gosh! This is so thoughtful! How… how did you know what I use?’ ‘Um… Man’s intuition?’ He laughed. ‘No, Santa had a helper this year, who made some suggestions and some educated guesses.’ She laughed with him. ‘That was awfully sweet of the helper. And of Santa, too.’ She leaned in to.
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