Right now, from a chemicalstandpoint, you have the body of a teenage girl going through puberty." Now wait a minute. You may have forced me to take some hormones, butthat doesn't make a chick. I mean, even after everything you've done tome, I came last night, didn't I? Okay, so it wasn't the greatest, butI've had nights before when I couldn't get it up. That doesn't mean Ican't be a guy again, does it?" If you start taking heavy testosterone injections when your year isover, you should be able to reverse what we've done to you. Until then,your body's hormonal balance will be female, and the changes which havealready started will continue, even if you don't take any more shots.For your sake, I hope you will let me keep you on maintenance doses ofestrogen, otherwise you are going to be subject to radical mood swingsand fits of depression which will only make things worse for you." How could things get any worse?" I spit out the words, furious atmyself for letting things get this. "I think I'm transsexual," I blurt.Instantly it's as though a weight is released from my chest and I almostmelt off the chair in exhilaration. I've said it! I've actually said it,and to a man I've known for almost my entire life. And the doctor doesn'tlook shocked, or offended- he simply nods professionally."How long have you had these feelings?" He asks. With the first questionanswered, the next questions are a piece of cake."As long as I can remember," I say confidently. "I've always dreamedabout being a girl, being part of a group of girls, growing up as awoman. I feel much happier when I'm being a girl instead of a boy." Have you told your parents this?" The doctor asks, to which I simplyshake my head."I can't," I say quietly. "They wouldn't understand, they'd think I was afreak." You'd be surprised," the doctor says with a smile. "I don't think you'rea freak, your friend and her mother obviously don't. It's nothing out ofthe ordinary or freakish for some people to feel they were.
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