"Somehow that answer didn't set well with her. What had I said wrong?Or was it, because now I really did look like a girl?##When I had sat down again, she said, "Stand over there again."I followed her request and posed in front of her."You look good, but something isn't right." Of course, Mom, I have no breasts."She looked as though I had uttered a forbidden word."Aw, c'mon, Mom, I'm not a little kid any more. All the girls in myclass have breasts. That simply is a part of being a girl of my age,that's the most normal thing in the world." Yes, you're right. On all points. I'd forgotten that, I guess." No wonder, remembering how I've been dressed the last few days," Ilaughed."But you would appear much more natural with breasts."I nodded. "I need a bra." What do you know about bras?" Mom!!" I didn't say anything else, but she understood what I meant."I think my little girl - oops, little boy is growing up." Yes, Mom. You can go ahead and call me a girl. At the moment I don'texactly look. "I killed a village! Those people, they didn't do anything. They didn't hurt anyone."I was crying again and I wondered where all those tears were coming from. I hadn't been able to stop for more than five minutes at a time and I ached. God, I ached all over, like I was dying and wishing I were."I knew I would kill someone," I swallowed thickly, wiping my eyes and Mr. Fox neither smiled nor frowned. "I knew, someone would die. I accepted that. I said, 'Well, this many others will live. So it's ... fair.' You know?" Yes," the old man nodded and he did know."But it isn't fair!" I started shaking. "None of it is." You'll stay here," Mr. Fox told me. "Until you're well again. I'll have your things brought down." I don't ever want to be that well again." I closed my eyes and he left me, leaving his tea untouched but for the sugar inside it.I didn't stay. I left the next morning, going back to Bethesda and my office at Horace Tufts. I went through my notes carefully, pulling pages for the.
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