Joan continued to sit and stare without responding. “I got other things to do” said the man “you haven’t run off or screamed and I’ve already sat here and watched you fuck your hand and I’m asking you real nice to let me check out your cooch. Now, if you want to pretend you don’t like to show your fuck box like you been doing for most of the morning help yourself. If you want to do what you naturally love to do, then get with it.” A shiver ran over Joan’s skin. She felt a mixture of fear, anger and doubt mixed with a unthinkable urge to open herself to this intruder. She sat for what seemed eternity staring into his cold unemotional eyes. He made no move toward her. She now sat facing him with her beach towel bunched beneath her. She slowly spread her legs still looking into his eyes. She reached down and pulled the fragile see through fabric aside disclosing her puffy engorged vulva. The man’s eyes dropped to her crotch. She sat there exposing her pussy for his. Ok, say I am nuts, maybe I am! But I hear him speak out loud, plain as day. In that moment between sleep and awareness, sliding amongst the shadows of my room, he comes to me in dreams. I feel him in my mind, reaching for me in that instant where sleep and wakeness blend. I can feel his touch, I let myself go, I orgasm in blinding flashes of light, it has to be him. No one else has ever made me feel like that. I awake, he is gone. Was he here? I think so, I know so. Even if I am wrong, I feel it in my body and mind. Ted looks after me still. {I touch myself, still damp from him, then I cry. Is grief endless?} I am 50, I will be 51 soon. I am one of those who gets shortchanged every year, my birthday is December 27th. I got used to that, everyone I have ever known except for Ted just ‘combined’ Christmas and my birthday. Silly, yes. But it mattered to me, it is MY day, I wanted it! Ted always gave it to me, he went far above and beyond anything normal to make me the most important.
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