"Shit! What am I doing?" I shouted, removing my cock from Dougie's mouth. "What the hell are you doing? I've got a girlfriend!" "You can't deny it Adam, you loved it. Besides, your girlfriend doesn't have to know." "I've got to go," I said. "No you don't. You know you want to stay." I didn't know what to do. Everything he was saying was completely true. Was I gay? I couldn't be, I loved fucking my girlfriend and having one night stands. I'd kept sexual relationships from my girlfriend before so that shouldn't be the problem. "Fuck it," I muttered. "I'm glad to hear it. Now, down on your knees." "No way! I am not going to be a submissive." "Well that could be an issue because I'm always the dominant." "That's going to have to change. We'll need to be on a level playing field. Now, I choose to get down on my knees and suck your cock, just like you chose to give me a blow job, alright?" "Fine," Dougie replied. Slowly, I knelt down, trailing my tongue down his perfect body and I. If you have ever have wondered about the mental anguish and pain regarding rape I can tell you from my own experience that I feel so much less guilt from the times in my life when a man would force himself on me, and hit me, and restrain me and force sex on my body. I do not struggle to call those times rape. What I struggle to believe no matter how many people tell me so is that it was also rape the times I went to him and the times, God these words are even hard to say, but that I wanted him, I wanted to do those naughty games we played. Guys have asked me a question that I still struggle with wanting to lie about and that is, Did it feel good? I am so full of shame that it did sometimes. I am so full of shame that many times I wanted to feel him touch me. I am so full of shame that I would go to him and touch him. I am so full of shame that sometimes as I got older I wanted him inside me. Obviously it took years for the games to escalate. It took years for the touching to.
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