Maybe Felcher realised this about me before I did and knew that would make me easy. Sometimes I feel he knows me better than I do.Felcher says he will keep up the rent on my bedsit and send someone round every few days to do some housework and make sure my possessions are all right. I suppose I should be grateful, but there's so little there I feel attached to it seems like a waste of effort. I haven't even been able to think what to pack - clothes will be a waste of time and I can't find anything else I'd want to take. It all feels like anchors to a life I want to leave behind. Maybe I'll just box everything up and give it to Oxfam.I want it to have happened already. I'm not looking forward to it, really, but at the moment everything feels like a fever dream and I need the clarity that the reality itself will bring. I can't make anything make sense at the moment. I'll try again tomorrow, when I'm someone else, when I'm her.24/11/05--------Well, I've been given my own room. . "If it was in a major city and not in the wilds of Washington, itwouldn't be a problem."Scott sighed, and I knew that Dad was preaching to the choir. Scottcompletely agreed with what Dad was telling him."There's no way we could have predicted her popularity," Scott finallysaid. "I mean, I've never had somebody take off like she has before. Ifwe would have known how the fans would react, we could have done thingsdifferently. But now we are stuck with the schedule." I don't like it," my dad replied. He looked kind of angry. It was his'angry agent' face, so I knew he was frustrated about the business sideof this instead of being mad at anyone in particular."I know, Don. I don't like it either," Scott replied. "That's why we arelooking at the mini-tour at the beginning of the year. We can give herthe audience she deserves then."Scott caught sight of me then and motioned to my dad to let him know Iwas there. Dad turned and smiled at me, but it was obvious he was stillupset.I was just happy.
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