But by then he had my number.He gulped a huge swig of beer and came close to me and kissed me squarely and thrust the beer from his mouth to mine. One it was beer, two the act was gross but somehow it felt hot to do the dirty deed. He had some power over me which I couldn’t comprehend.Kabir had still only kissed me. He had not done anything else. I had a fleeting moment where I thought he will take it slowly and we will stop at first base today. But naive I was. Two bottles of beer shared with Kabir was a bit too much of alcohol for me and I had started losing my ability to think straight.I was always a good dancer and Kabir had put some music on. I broke out from our embrace where I was sitting on his laps and began dancing. Moving my body to the music and trying to look hot. I won’t deny I had practiced this moment in my bedroom many times before. Kabir started filming me.I realized it but I didn’t stop. He tugged at my crop top and like a little girl I obliged. Took it off and. ..DAD, I'M SORRY!!!DR: WHAT'S HAPPENING?ME: DAD JUST FOUND ME PLAYING HOUSE. I'M SORRY DAD...I WON'T DO ITAGAIN! [I start crying hysterically at this point]DR: WHAT IS HAPPENING NOW?ME: DAD HIT ME. HE TOLD ME TO STOP THAT OR HE WOULD BEAT ME TO DEATH! [I really start crying and the doctor stops the session]After I watch the replay of it, I start crying all over again. All theold memories come flooding back to me. After I compose myself I leaveand go home. Jeff asks me what's wrong and I tell him that somepersonal stuff came up in therapy and I need time to think about it.Jeff said he understood and I went to my room to try to sleep. Icouldn't. All I did was think about what had happened, all thememories. I came to realize that all those memories were true. I doremember wanting to be a girl. I remember all the dress up sessions Ihad. Those were the only times I was happy when I was little. Iremember a time when my family was traveling, and we stopped at arestaurant for.
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