I once lay in a hide for three days, waiting for a particular bomb maker to arrive at a building we knew he used. So the sitting and thinking part was already there.The problem was that all I could think about were the people, including kids, who were the inevitable side effect of combat operations. I grieved for them all, but the ones who I caused were the ones who haunted me. I couldn’t get away from the torment of guilt, no matter what Mother Superior Mary tried to do to teach me.I went through a whole year of that before, one day, I felt the guilt just fade away. It was as if the guilt was water drops, and the sun made them evaporate, except it happened faster than sunlight would dry a swimmer.I thought it was God, answering my prayers. Maybe he did, and just used a “hug” from Bobby Wilson to do it.The problem with the concept of God’s grace is that even after the priest says you are forgiven, sometimes you don’t feel worthy of that forgiveness. And while the pain of guilt had. ”“Yes I was taught that rule. I have never stolen a thing in my life. I would not have tried to take the trees if I had known they belonged to you. I would have offered to pay for them if I could have found you.”To say Jon smiled was almost true, except Arya did not know if it was a smile or something else too sinister to think about. “You will pay for stealing trees. Right now we eat, and then you pay.” He went toward the stove and put whatever he had been making into a large bowl. Picking up a small wooden spoon he came near him. It was obvious he was going to feed her.Arya grimaced, wondering whatever he could have cooked up. “What is that? My stomach is sensitive and I get sick easy. I don’t want to get sick.”He grabbed her hair again and indicated for her to open her mouth as the spoon full of stuff was already up by her mouth. “No talk. Eat now, pay later.”Arya thought at least if it made her sick, he had said her friends would find her alive in the daylight, and she was hungry..
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