. It was the old days of the American west. A young man has left his home back east, to seek his fortune in the wide open spaces. He arrives in town, and sees the local saloon has a ‘HELP WANTED’ sign in the window.He goes into the bar, and speaks to the owner, who sizes him up, and offers him the job. He adds this: “One thing. If you ever hear, ‘Big John’s a-comin’’, just get out of here as fast as you can!”He works there for a few weeks, when one day, he’s cleaning the place, and there’s an incredible commotion outside. People are yelling, screaming “Big John’s a-comin! Big Jooooohn’s a-comin!”As he’s trying to leave the bar, though, he’s knocked over by a massively huge man, riding an even bigger mountain lion, using a twelve foot rattlesnake for a whip! The man rides the mountain lion up to the bar, tosses the rattlesnake into the corner, and bellows out “Gimme a barrel of pickle juice!”Our young hero goes into the store room and rolls out a barrel of pickle juice. The man rips. "No thanks. I just want to pay for them *now*."I paid for the pictures, leaving another piece of mydignity at the camera shop. I wondered how much I hadleft.The worst part was telling my wife every sordid detailof the affair afterwards."Hey cocksucker, I kind of like this picture herewhere his knob is just in your mouth. You look socute like that. Tomorrow, I'm going to take you backto the photo shop, so you can get a t-shirt with thison it."Thanks bitch. Thanks for giving me something to lookforward to. Thankfully, she was tired and when wearrived home, I was able to go straight to bed. Icried for a few minutes, but I was too tired to cryfor long.I awoke that night when the lights in the basementwere cut on. I heard someone coming down the steps.Then the lights were went back off and I felt someonegot into bed with me."Alex?" The light kisses at my neck were the answerto my question."Where do you want it, my little ass whore?" sheasked."Shhh-don't talk tonight. Just make love to me.".
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