Darlene seemed startled. "Does she visit you often?" She's always with me." She's haunting you?" She's watching over me." Oh." Darlene seemed at a loss for words. I squeezed her hand, and we walked on."Did you ever have an experience that was so good that you wished it had been your first experience, 'cause your first time wasn't as good; in fact, it was pretty bad?"I was glad they don't teach diagraming sentences anymore because I wouldn't try to diagram that one. "Not really," I said after I sorted it out. "Most of my experiences have been pretty good. And even the bad ones, well, you learn from them, either how to avoid them or how to handle them. Why?" Well, I just wish that had been the first time I made love." You mean it wasn't?" I said quickly."Tony the diplomat." I decided it wasn't the right time to mention that diplomats were only one step above politicians and two steps above lawyers on the slime scale. "Brad popped my cherry when I was twelve. Six days after my birthday,. Gerry thanked the Judge and proceeded. ‘Well as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my fav’rit cow, into de trailer and was drivin’ her down de road when this huge Maclean potato truck and trailer came tundering tru a stop sign and hit me trailer right in da side. I was trown into one ditch and Bessie was trown into da udder. By Jaysus I was hurt, very bad like, and didn’t want to move. However, I could hear old Bessie moanin’ and groanin’. I knew she was in terrible pain just by her groans.Shortly after da accident, a policeman on a motorbike turned up. He could hear Bessie moanin’ and groanin’ too, so he went over to her. After he looked at her, and saw her condition, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes.Den da policeman came across de road, gun still in hand, looked at me, and said, ‘Mr. Drover, how are you feelin’?’... ‘Now yer honor, wot da fock would you say?’“Beer Stories”Three friends are sitting around their favorite pub. The first guy says “Hey guys, I know.
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