When you hit a girl with the whole model shtick, she’s going to get her guard up.”“But what if I really were a model?” I asked.“Then you wouldn’t be hitting on someone like me.”“What if I told you I was a quarterback? Would that be any better?”She gave me an exasperated sigh. The good news was she hadn’t gotten up and run away.“So, by now you know I’m a player just looking for a good time. If I was honest and said I was looking for a hookup, would that be any better?” I asked.“Are you sure you’re interested in the type of girl who’d respond to that?” she asked.“If it was just a hookup and no one got hurt, I might. It would have to be discreet, though. I wouldn’t want the wife and kids to find out.”“That’s probably a good idea. I’m sure my boyfriend would be a little upset too.”“You don’t have a boyfriend,” I said with confidence.“Just like you don’t have a wife and kids,” she said.The server came and took our order. I flirted with her shamelessly while we ate, and she gave me. This spawned my next project. I needed a new phone. I bought a dead-stupid cell phone. It wasn't a Blackberry. It wasn't an Iphone. It wasn't an Android. It had caller-ID and a large keypad. Next I called my Illinois apartment's landlord and opened negotiations to break my contract for a minimum fee.I ordered a shipping container to be dropped off at the apartment complex. For five hundred bucks the maintenance guys would strip the place for me and pack the goods. When they called to inform me that they were finished I'd call a shipping agent to have the container sealed and trucked to me. The contents of the chest freezer and refrigerator would be up for grabs. Someone was going to get a lot of frozen meat out of the deal. I explicitly described where my firearms were kept and informed them that they were kept loaded.I began making notes about my estate-to-be.Once the road was completed I wanted a brick barn erected to hold not only the shipping container but the snow removal.
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