All it required was the will and the right wardrobe.It was so tempting. However much I resisted all that bullshit about awoman's appearance, since I'd turned female the pressure on me wasalmost tangible. I could not avoid the avalanche of ad images inmagazines, on billboards and TV. Slim women, perfect women withstatuesque figures and faces smoothed into flawlessness by PhotoShop. Itdidn't matter how conscious I was of it, how much I worked torationalize it away. It made me feel self-conscious of my looks, of mynondescript features, my sagging tits and my pear-shaped figure. Bodyfascism had gone to work on my soul.Of course the moral decision would be to reject the judgment of others.Accept myself for what I was, sags, hips, unsightly hair, cellulite andall. But I was a moral coward at heart. "The Medallion is a second chance," I'd once told Simone. "I feel noguilt in using it."I still didn't. An opportunity like this almost never comes aroundtwice. It would be criminal not to take. It was a four hour drive so they would be away until the next day and hopefully be able to come back when Nan was discharged and back in the home. The decision had been made and soon our parents left giving Kathleen, as the eldest, some money so we could get by until they got back.As the designated elder at nearly eighteen, Kathleen decided to go out and get us fish and chips and told Janet and I to stay in the caravan, so she could also visit the off site shop the shop and get some vodka. She did look older and always got served booze at home with no problems.Soon after she had gone Janet started to tease me about being so small and I retaliated by calling her a fat pig - big mistake ! We were soon scuffling and, as usual, I ended up on the floor with Janet sitting on me. "So I am a fat pig am I you little shit. This fat pig is going to make you suffer for that remark, I am going to see how many times I can bounce on you" ! She then started lifted up and slamming herself back down.
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